Category: challenge

Posted in Brave, cancer, challenge, determination, family

2/3rd through

Posted on by jtailele

Chemo treatment #4 was this past Tuesday. Even I am surprised at how well I am doing. The first day or two after treatment is a breeze. By day three, the neuropathy starts kicking in. It baffles me what parts of my body have a reaction. Why not my arms, or my back? Who knows. The neuropathy is only in my legs, especially my knees, making me feel wobbly and unsteady on my feet. Reluctantly, I secured a walker to use around the house when I am too wobbly. But with our condo being so small, most of the time I can walk holding on to chairs or tables. Doesn’t do much for my ego to look at a walker. Makes me feel old.

Next steps are two more chemo treatments before 18 radiation treatments. I spoke with Dr. Sam, my surgical oncologist last week and asked about guarantees. Of course, he can give none. But he did say that they would do another pet scan after the last radiation to compare it to the original one after the surgery. If that is clear, then I can cautiously say I am cancer free. The bigger test is 6 months after that (so around November 2023.) If cancer has not come back by then, I am pretty home-free for the rest of my normal life expectancy.

Most of my fears are gone. That is HUGE. Remember how terrified I was? Other than the unknown of the radiation, I now know what to expect with the chemo. I am stronger and braver than I was when this started. Can you believe that was over four months ago? (Surgery was in July) I am curious about when and what my hair will look like when it grows back in. I have hears that it could be any color or texture and completely different from what I had before. A new me???

People do love my wig and most do not even know it is fake. In fact, my nurse double-questioned what chemo I was taking because “you shouldn’t have any hair.” I don’t – I just have a really good wig. Life goes on.

I am eternally grateful for my wonderful family that takes turns coming each “treatment week” to make sure I am not alone while Tai is at work. And what a great opportunity to spend time with my kids. First was Candy from Ohio, second was Amy from Virginia. Then Dru and Cybil from Colorado. This week was Terri’s turn from Miami. Eliana will be here the week of my Dec. 6 treatment from Virginia and then Terri will be back for the last one after Christmas. I have the best hubby in the world too, who takes over all the stuff I would normally do around the house, like the cats, the laundry, vacuuming, etc. I am blessed beyond reason.

I would love to hear how other people are dealing with cancer or any other infirmity. Helping each other to cope is 90% of the battle. We need the village. Feel free to share.

I hope to get back to more writing soon. I have not done much since all this began. Now that I am more confident that I will have a future, it is time to get back to my stories and helping others get published. I have not given up my business, Simon Publishing LLC, so if you need help publishing that book, let me know. I am here for you.

Happy Thanksgiving. We all have a lot to be thankful for.

Posted in cancer, challenge, family

Mirror, mirror on the wall…

Posted on by jtailele

Chemo Treatment number three. Done. Exhausted, but that is all the side effects so far on day three. What I really want to talk about is this damn mirror. Most of the day, I do not see myself. I go about the day with a beanie on my bald head to keep it from being cold, and often forget all about it. Or I put a hat or wig on to go out. All fine.

But it’s this damn mirror. every time I walk past it, I am shocked again at what I see. It screams “YOU’VE GOT CANCER.” at me in bold letters. And it all comes rushing back to me. Will I ever be cancer free? Will all of this really work? Will I ever get my strength and comprehension back? It feels like such a long journey to the middle of May until all my treatments are done. And I am so tired. And these stupid mirrors, remind me all the time.

I never thought I was vain enough that this would bother me. And I still don’t think it has anything to do with, do I look pretty. Hell, at my age, who is pretty? No, it is the reminder of my condition that shouts at me. It taunts me with: you know this is not going to work, it’s going to come back, why are you filling your body with poison? So I fight these thoughts, try to push them out of my mind. And I succeed for a while — until the next time I pass a mirror.

My son and daughter-in-law are here this week to watch over me. They are wonderful. Not that I need anything done for me, but it is nice to be waited on (even more than Tai already does) and to have their company. I am grateful I am not really sick and they had to do a lot for me. This is better. Maybe this is my silver lining. That I get to spend time with my kids which would probably never happen otherwise. So I will take that for a win.

Yes, this is how I feel today. But I am still breathing and kicking. So don’t give up on me and I will try not to give up on myself.

Posted in cancer, challenge, family, Florida, Hurricane, writers

Looking forward to better days

Posted on by jtailele

I had my second chemo treatment this week. So different from the first one. No tears, no trauma. Going in knowing what to expect makes a huge difference. Side effects have been almost non-existent. I have a little nausea, some headaches that come and go and I am feeling really tired. Even putting out this blog post is a challenge. But mentally, I am much better and feeling more optimistic than my last post. My daughter Amy is here to take care of me this week. I am so blessed to have family. Perhaps my optimism has something to do with following a major Hurricane. I find it hard to feel sorry for myself when I have a roof over my head, electricity, and water when some people have nothing. It is all relative, isn’t it?

Hurricane Ian roared through here, bringing massive damage to homes, businesses and cars throughout southwest Florida. We were spared any of that. From the safety of our little condo, we were untouched. Only a few inches of water on the parking lot that quickly disseminated. Too many people were not so lucky. Fort Myers Beach is a disaster. So are Sanibel Island, North Port and Port Charlotte. Isles of Capri is almost directly across the street from us and they suffered a lot of damage.

But, back to me. I lost all my hair this week. In less than a week, I went from a full head of hair to really thin and bald spots. When it started to fall out, I was obsessed with running my hands through it to see how much hair would be in my hands. I couldn’t seem to stop, which I am sure hastened the demise of it. When the bald spots started, I knew it was time to shave it all off. And yes, I cried through the whole head shaving. But now that it is done, I no longer have anxiety about it. I bought a lot of cute hats and have a wonderful wig. I noticed one thing. My head is always cold without hair. In the house, the A/C blows right on it. I need to wear a cap at all times. We found some nice soft skull caps that keep me cozy and they also fit under my hats to protect my gentle scalp. Most of the hats are bucket hats, but I also have a baseball cap I wear with a fake ponytail which is kind of fun. And the wig looks just like my real hair. So I am in good shape. You wouldn’t even know I am bald as a billiard ball under that.

Since my treatments are every three weeks, I will try to always post after each treatment and keep you in the loop.

For other cancer survivors, I would love to hear how you are coping with this. Are there tricks to the trade that help or hinder your progress?

Posted in authors, books, challenge, conflict, fiction, mystery, paranormal, romance

Writing Mystery novels, with a twist

Posted on by jtailele

Patty Brant

Patty Brant

Hmm . . . It’s a little difficult for me to categorize my genre – maybe I’m too close to it. I have now published two books – Bitter Secrets and its sequel Full Circle – which I feel are mainly mysteries, incorporating a smidgeon of romance and the paranormal.

Not sure if I have a real “method” for writing, but this is how I’ve worked it out so far.

The concept of Bitter Secrets began with three words that just popped into my head – “I see faces.” That triggered weeks of mental development – who were these people . . . where were they . . . what was their story?

I settled on the most basic characters and a rudimentary story line when the first couple paragraphs formed in my mind. I liked what I had and decided it was time to start writing it down.

For years the thought of writing a book would sort of drift through my head, followed immediately by “Shoot! You need to know something to write a book!” And that was the end of that.

So, this time, I called a friend – an excellent author I knew who has since passed away. I knew she would help keep me on task and that was exactly what she did. Bless her heart, she never let me down. She’d read my latest effort, make suggestions and generally be my cheerleader.

I’m a natural born foot dragger, so I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her.

Anyway, I know you’re always told to make an outline first, and I’ve tried that. Trouble is, I change my mind too much. I rearrange. I think of something I like better than what I have and there goes my outline!

So, I’ve pretty much decided that my “process” is no process. (Not very helpful, is it?) I think lot about the story I’m working on. Do a little research when I need to so I can develop authentic background, then start to write. Mostly by that time it just begins to flow.

My biggest stumbling blocks to this point  – besides my propensity to drag my feet and let other things get in the way – have been writing about traumatic incidents that I have not experienced personally. I know you’re always told to write about what you know and that’s good advice, I’m sure. But you can’t possibly experience everything personally.

For instance, in Bitter Secrets I came to a place in my story where a young girl was about to be raped. It was 1927, the girl was 15 and alone with her favorite uncle in an isolated farmhouse. He was drunk and there was no one there to help her. The story was flowing, my fingers were racing across the keyboard almost ahead of my mind. The scene was unfolding pretty much by itself. I kept thinking as I typed, “This can’t happen. I can’t write this.”

Bitter Secrets Patty Brant     Full Circle Patty Brant

So I forced myself to stop writing and just think. I was very reluctant to write about this very sensitive subject. After all, I have never been in that position and I was very concerned that, if I didn’t get it right, it would be like a slap in the face to the thousands and thousands of young girls and women who have.

Who was I to write about this kind of horror? How could I write a realistic scene and do it with objectivity yet sensitivity?

I had to reaffirm that I truly wanted to be an author, that I wanted to write stories that are realistic, with emotional depth but not “soap opera drama.” I was not at all sure I could do that without somehow disabusing real victims.

I did some soul searching and finally decided that an author can’t possibly know everything.

As a reporter for many years, I have done many interviews with experts and various victims. I decided I have to rely on what is MY personal experience and on my understanding of human nature. If I was going to be a serious author, I’d have to step off the cliff and just do it.

So I started typing again and let it flow – all the while checking myself to be as sensitive as I could. I think the “process” has worked pretty well for me.

I came across the same problem when writing about one of my characters who is a Viet Nam veteran in a wheelchair and one who is an old black man. – two characters I truly admire. (Is that even possible? Can you admire “people” who aren’t real!?

Well, I guess it is for me. I’ve actually come to tears thinking about another one of my characters whose life had been a living hell for 40 years. I like characters who meet immense challenges with human strength and frailty.

For me that’s a tall order. I guess doing justice to their stories – even if they aren’t “real” – is my challenge.

Thanks Patty, for the great post. Readers, click below to order your own copies of Bitter Secreats and Full Circle.

Bitter Secrets 

Full Circle