Chemo Treatment number three. Done. Exhausted, but that is all the side effects so far on day three. What I really want to talk about is this damn mirror. Most of the day, I do not see myself. I go about the day with a beanie on my bald head to keep it from being cold, and often forget all about it. Or I put a hat or wig on to go out. All fine.
But it’s this damn mirror. every time I walk past it, I am shocked again at what I see. It screams “YOU’VE GOT CANCER.” at me in bold letters. And it all comes rushing back to me. Will I ever be cancer free? Will all of this really work? Will I ever get my strength and comprehension back? It feels like such a long journey to the middle of May until all my treatments are done. And I am so tired. And these stupid mirrors, remind me all the time.
I never thought I was vain enough that this would bother me. And I still don’t think it has anything to do with, do I look pretty. Hell, at my age, who is pretty? No, it is the reminder of my condition that shouts at me. It taunts me with: you know this is not going to work, it’s going to come back, why are you filling your body with poison? So I fight these thoughts, try to push them out of my mind. And I succeed for a while — until the next time I pass a mirror.
My son and daughter-in-law are here this week to watch over me. They are wonderful. Not that I need anything done for me, but it is nice to be waited on (even more than Tai already does) and to have their company. I am grateful I am not really sick and they had to do a lot for me. This is better. Maybe this is my silver lining. That I get to spend time with my kids which would probably never happen otherwise. So I will take that for a win.
Yes, this is how I feel today. But I am still breathing and kicking. So don’t give up on me and I will try not to give up on myself.
Writing Under Fire 
Once again, Sister. My prayers are with you. You are a rock star and to me, a hero.❤️ And, the silver lining seems to be, you are spending some time with Drew and Cybil.
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Once again, Sister. My prayers are with you. You are a rock star and to me, a hero.❤️ And, the silver lining seems to be, you are spending some time with Drew and Cybil.
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An honest post!!Thank you for telling it like it is. I am glad for you that your son and DIL are there, but even better is that you are able to enjoy their company and still help yourself. Continuing prayers for you on this journey to regain your health 🙏🏻🙏🏻
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